In Which The NHL Hates Itself And Will Lose Its Momentum

If this guy can't handle the lockout, there's no hope for the rest of us (photo via toromagazine.com)

As the clock strikes 12 am on September 16th, 2012, please welcome the latest edition of the NHL lockout. You might want to hurl your verbal stones at the ever lovable Bettman and his team of owners. Or those unfortunate players that make money playing a game. It doesn't matter how you shake it, they want their money and their "fair share". And the fans? Unless we can actually get the PSEC off the ground, here's your very quick survival guide until the NHL and NHLPA get their shit together:

- If you watch American football, you're good. Skip this whole section.

- If you don't dig on pigskin, it's the home stretch in the MLB. I'm not a huge fan of the regular season, but the playoffs get really intense. October looks a little brighter.

- As the World Series winds down, the NBA kicks into high gear. The season starts on October 30th with the Miami Heat defending their well deserved championship title and the newly renovated LA Lakers see if Kobe can play nice with his new friends, Nash and Howard.

- Get a hobby, or restart the one you gave up on. Drinking is not a hobby.

- Most importantly, don't panic.
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You have to wonder how long Bettman will hold on to this NHL Commissioner gig. He's about to get his lockout hat trick, which is embarrassingly impressive. The Commish still holds his seat of power for one simple reason: the owners think that he's doing a good job. And he might be for all I know. From a fan perspective, he's terrible (hence the boos every time he makes an appearance) and his crony Daly is even worse. Unless you like rude, smug SOBs. Yeah...you might like them if that's your preference.

You have to love the press conferences that both the NHL and NHLPA put on this week. I find it so strange that this stalemate is becoming a PR battle for both sides of this negotiation. "No seriously, were the good guys here. Really we are. I want this season to start as scheduled. It kills me that we aren't. But we can't because the other side's demands are out of line. Did I mention that were the good guys?" Here's an idea, talk to us when you make some progress. I don't care if the other side are being a bunch of big meanies. Everyone can get paid, and we can continue to drop an insane amount of cash to watch it. This is the absolute worse time for a stoppage (not that there's ever a good time). The Kings won their first championship and people were buzzing on this. The NHL made record revenues. There was some serious momentum building up, folks. Get ready for it to stop dead.

Finally, to all of the fans out there in the world that say they will stop watching hockey if the lockout goes down, I'm calling you on your bullshit. As soon as you hear the news that the CBA has been signed and hockey is on, you will cry tears of joy. You will be back on that Franzen so fast and will eat up every second of the world's fastest and most exciting game.

-Paqman